A Season Of Peace
by frazzledsoul
Summary: Lorelai celebrates the winter holiday with her family and muses on her current circumstances.


_So let's drop into canon as it lives inside my head for an update on where the Gilmore-Danes clan (and our love triangle!) is at this point in time._

_This was intended to live solely in my drabbles, but I'm expanding it a little. Since my head is a wild jungle where all logic and sense run screaming upon entry, I thought I'd provide a little background. This is kind of a sequel to my stand-alones A Convergence of Fancies and Independence (as well as for The Morning After). It's also a fast-forward of my long-neglected WIP The Grandparents. So here is canon as I currently see it._

_Logan quit his job and broke up with his fiancé upon learning of Rory's pregnancy and moved to the States. They did not resume their romantic relationship. She gave birth to a son named Richard Gilmore, who she nicknamed Rick. She and Jess had a brief relationship which ended because she had too many conflicting issues with motherhood and with Logan, and she and Logan reconciled soon afterwards. She and Rick had moved in with him as of November of 2018, and that's where we are now. Rory and Jess remain friends and he has moved on in his life as well. We're smack in the middle of the love triangle: neither side has won or been vanquished, but unlike the actual show, they all manage to get along despite these shenanigans._

_Luke and Lorelai observe all of this drama from afar, and this story is focused on them. I may turn this around and write about how the younger generation sees it, but that's not what this story is about._

_This concludes the long-winded infodump, and I hope you enjoy the actual story._

Luke and Lorelai's third Valentines Day as a married couple started in the usual way.

It was usually their tradition to spend the holiday at home, but this year they had departed for Luke's cabin on the lake to spend a few days by themselves before the rest of the family joined them on Sunday. It was a beloved, time-honored tradition between the two of them to devote this day to each other to celebrate with their own brand of fanfare. Their adult children knew to stay very far away from them during this time.

Lorelai was expecting much of the same this year. There was a time for grand gestures and outward celebrations, but it wasn't on this day. Luke put his own quiet, understated devotion into it, and it was generally understood that this was what both of them wanted.

At this point, as a grandmother whose fiftieth birthday had come and gone who was entering into the twelfth year of her relationship with Luke, Lorelai was grateful for this. There was something to be said for knowing where you belonged and who you belonged to. There was definitely a deep sense of peace in that realization.

Still, Luke crackled with an uncharacteristic nervous energy on the drive up to the cabin, and Lorelai felt a little anxious at what exactly he had planned this year.

She didn't want glitz and glamour or grand romantic gestures. She had known that once, and they had turned out to be rotten, hollow promises that had betrayed her almost as soon as they were offered. That wasn't what her husband gave to her or what either of them cherished. Every single one of his grand gestures had been something practical yet carefully chosen to give her what she needed most at the time: the chuppah, the Santa burger, the ice-skating rink, the impassioned speech of devotion the second time she proposed to him. She didn't need anything different.

Luke's present this year was hidden at the back of the house, right across from the small bay window where Lorelai often relaxed on lazy mornings with a view of the pier behind their house. The stained-glass window was almost a mirror image of the small picture they kept on their bedroom wall, of their two hands closely intertwined, the light radiating off of their wedding rings. The fading afternoon light cast an ethereal illumination across their faces as Lorelai's gaze met her husband's.

Tears in her eyes, Lorelai took his hand in hers and led him to the bedroom as they retraced the familiar maps of each other's bodies. Sometimes the fanfare between the two of them was something that built to a crescendo before it exploded. Sometimes it was a quiet melody that only the two of them understood.

Lorelai was more than happy to have a few days with her man to practice the delights of both of them.

* * *

"It's _cold_ out there," Rory declared as she closed the door to the patio behind her. She set her squirming son down on the kitchen tiles and adroitly removed his coat and mittens.

"Paul An-ka!" Rick shrieked before taking off for the corner of the den where the elderly dog lay next to where Jess's girlfriend was sprawled on the floor.

"Jessica, watch him around the dog, will you?" Lorelai called out from the kitchen table where she was nursing her cup of coffee.

"Will do," Jessica proclaimed as she reached out to tickle Rick before he could sit on the dog's face.

"I know I said that I was looking forward to getting out of Manhattan for a weekend and chasing my kid around somewhere that wasn't my living room, but I wasn't prepared for what it would feel like to stand there in the solid cold for an hour," Rory proclaimed as she fixed herself a fresh cup of coffee. "I'm not even sure it helps that he doesn't really understand the concept of a snowball yet. Trust me, boyfriend and son teaming up to pelt you with those flakes for twenty minutes straight? Not the fun I was looking for." She paused to take a breath and removed her own scarf and coat, placing them next to her gloves on the empty chair next to Lorelai's.

"Is he still out there?" Lorelai asked.

"He's helping Luke cook back by the pier," Rory replied as she sat down in the remaining kitchen chair. "Did the two of you really think this BBQ out in the snow thing out ahead of time?"

"My husband is very adventurous," Lorelai proclaimed, her eyes full of mischief.

Rory groaned.

"I didn't even offer up anything interesting," Lorelai protested.

"Offspring #2 can hear you, too," April called out from where she was seated next to Jess on the sofa.

Rory bit her lip. "I actually have to talk to you about something in private," she told Lorelai.

"You're allowed to spill salacious details and I'm not?" Lorelai retorted.

"Not that," Rory said, rolling her eyes. "It's something a little more . . . serious."

Lorelai's stomach did a series of mocking flip-flops as she pondered the implications of that, and was reminded of a morning a little over two years ago when Rory had revealed her last life-changing development.

It couldn't be that again . . . could it? Unless it was something far more sinister. How had she made it this far with barely anyone in her family being beset by sudden catastrophic illness anyway –

Lorelai shut that thought down. She smiled weakly at Rory.

"Let's go into the other room and talk," she suggested.

Rory nodded. "Hey, Twin Jesses –"

Jessica looked up from the corner of the living room and shot Jess a look of admonishment.

"I told you not to use that that nickname," Jess told Rory.

"-Keep an eye on Rick for a couple of minutes, okay?" Rory continued, clearly ignoring him.

"She does that just to annoy me," Jess whispered to April.

"Long as it works," April replied, turning her attention back to her phone.

Jess shook his head as he picked up a tub of blocks from the side of the sofa. He knelt down on the floor beside Jessica and Rick before spilling them out for the three of them to assemble together.

Lorelai followed Rory into the guest bedroom, trying to keep her fears from rising to the surface.

* * *

"What's going on, Rory?" Lorelai asked as she sat down on the bed beside her daughter. "Are you sick? Is Rick sick? Are you preg –"

"Okay, stop," Rory insisted. "It's nothing like that. Mom, we're fine."

"Then why the need to hide this conversation away from April and Jess squared?"

"I just – I had something come up recently and I didn't want to talk about it in front of someone I was dating a year ago and his live -in girlfriend," Rory explained.

"And you're not – "

"No, I'm not pregnant," Rory clarified. "We've had that conversation several times, Mom. It's not that."

"Then what is it?" Lorelai asked, a hint of anxiousness still remaining in her voice.

Rory sighed. "It's just – Okay, I need a moment to explain this right."

Lorelai forced herself to remain silent. Now she was mostly curious about what the big problem was.

"This was the first Valentines Day that Logan and I spent as a couple," Rory began. "I mean, we were together before, but not _together_ together, and I wasn't selfish enough to insist on spending that holiday with him when he was with Odette. It was different when we were younger – I have that one really awful memory of that double date up on the Vineyard, and he was in London the next year. So this was the first occasion to really celebrate this the right way. And Honor said she'd keep Rick overnight, so that put more pressure on the two of us to make this special. Or at least I thought it did."

Lorelai cringed. "Are you going to tell me that Logan actually forgot?"

"Of course he didn't forget," Rory replied, half-offended. "You know Logan – he loves these huge romantic gestures. We went to this nice little Italian bistro in Queens, he got me this gorgeous bracelet, we had a nice night in a hotel all to ourselves, but – "

Lorelai shrugged her shoulders, wondering what the punchline was.

"I was expecting him to propose," Rory said quietly. "And when it didn't happen, I was actually relieved."

Lorelai smiled slightly. "Did he give you any hints that he was planning something like that?"

"No," Rory said. "We haven't even talked about it."

"You've only been living with him for three months," Lorelai pointed out.

"I know," Rory said. "But I'm sick of – I'm sick of having to explain myself."

"Explain yourself – "

"I'm unmarried, he's unmarried," Rory continued. "We're in a relationship. We live together. We have a child. Everyone expects us to get married. Everyone at my work, at his work, his family, Grandma – "

"Okay, stop right there for a minute," Lorelai said. "Forget about what everyone else thinks. Do you want to get married?"

"I don't know!" Rory cried out. "I was coming around to the idea because it seemed like the next logical step. But when it didn't happen, I realized that maybe I didn't want it. And I felt really ashamed. Because it would make everything easier."

"Marriage for the sake of marriage doesn't make things easier," Lorelai stated baldly. "I would know that more than anyone, Rory."

Rory sighed. "Look, Mom, I know that it worked out for you and Luke to delay things for as long as you needed to. I know that the two of you were really happy that way. But I don't want to wait ten years. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I've missed out on my chance to have another baby."

Lorelai took a deep breath. "Look, Rory, the life Luke and I lived for a long time – I don't regret any of it."

"I know you don't," Rory said.

"Luke knew I didn't want to get married right away, and neither of us made having kids a priority," Lorelai said. "I know I'm not the greatest relationship example in the world, kid, but what I have learned is that it's important to figure out what you want and talk about it with the other person. I've learned the hard way how very, very important that is."

"It's just – I don't really know what I want at this point," Rory said, sounding dejected. "I love Logan. I do. I just don't want to disappoint him. And I know I don't have that much time to figure it out."

"Do you want to have another baby?" Lorelai asked softly.

"Not in the next five minutes," Rory clarified. "But eventually? Yes. I'm turning thirty-five this year. Eventually kind of has a stopping point in that department."

"Rory, you need to talk to Logan about this," Lorelai insisted. "You can't just leave it up to him, or make decisions on the assumption that he'll feel a certain way. But I don't want you to end up doing something just because it will make things easier. That's just going to make all three of you miserable."

"I know," Rory said, staring at her hands. "That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid." She looked back up at Lorelai. "Mom, when he did ask me before, you said that I'd know for sure the next time someone asked me to marry them. What does it mean if I don't?"

"Oh, Rory," Lorelai replied, feeing a mixture of shame and regret come over her. "Sweetie, that was a long time ago."

"I don't regret telling Logan no the first time," Rory said. "But what does it mean if I didn't want to say yes this time, either?"

"It means that you're not ready," Lorelai said. "It doesn't mean that you should give up on the other person if you still want to be with them. Logan didn't give you a choice last time, remember?"

"It's a lot more complicated this time around," Rory said softly.

"That's my point," Lorelai told her daughter. "You know, Rory, all those years ago when I told you that you'd know right away – I was trying to make you feel better about what had happened. I know that you did the right thing. But I was still really mixed up about Luke at that point, too. I wanted him to make a move, to be the person to put our relationship back together, and when he didn't do it – I thought that maybe it just wasn't possible. That's part of why I told you what I did. But Luke was unsure about me as well, and many very difficult conversations later after we got back together, I realized there was never going to be any magical moment when I knew how things should work. It's always more complicated than that."

Rory sighed. "It was a lot easier when I just thought everything depended on a yes or a no."

"I thought that, too," Lorelai told her daughter. "But the things worth fighting for are usually never that simple.

Rory nodded as she turned her head to look out the window, seemingly wishing that the answers lay somewhere in the elements beginning to rage outside the cabin.

* * *

"Why did you and Lorelai wait so long to get married?"

Luke looked up from the grill and shifted his gaze to Logan, stunned by the recent shift in conversation from baseball and work to more personal matters.

"Wha –"

"Look, if it's too personal, I understand," Logan said, taking a sip of his beer. "I was just curious."

"_Curious_," Luke repeated suspiciously.

"I guess I'm trying to get a feel for Rory's view of the situation since the last time I broached the topic with her," Logan clarified.

"If this is some sort of way of asking for her hand in marriage, this is a really strange place to be bringing it up," Luke said sharply.

"It's not," Logan assured him before taking another swig of his beer. "I tried that before. It didn't exactly work out."

"Did you talk to her about it?" Luke asked.

"No," Logan admitted. "I'm planning on it, I just – "he shrugged. "I just want to know how much things may have changed in Rory's head."

Luke sighed and returned his attention to the grill. "I can't help you out much there," he said to Logan. "Lorelai and I have made it clear to our daughters that we don't really want them to follow our example. You need to ask Rory about what she thinks about it."

"Your example is worth emulating, though," Logan pointed out. "And you didn't get there entirely through marriage. That's just what I'm curious about."

Luke shrugged. "I think what worked for me and Lorelai is fairly unique," he told the younger man. "We'd tried before and failed. We knew what had gone wrong. I think you can understand some element of that, can't you?"

"I can," Logan said.

"I listened to what Lorelai wanted," Luke told Logan firmly. "And I tried my best to make her happy. I expect you to do the same. Does that tell you what you need to know?"

"I'm not sure it – "

"Talk to Rory," Luke said again. "That's the most important part. Do you understand me?"

Logan nodded, realizing he's reached the limits of what Luke would tolerate when it came to Rory. The part of Luke that sought to protect Rory in all circumstances only reared its ugly head every now and then, but Logan knew from experience to tread carefully when it focused its attention on him.

Besides, Luke was right. Logan had spent most of the past couple of weeks dancing around the subject in his own mind, afraid to confront the subject with Rory out of fear that she would close herself off to him. The battle between what everyone else wanted and what he was capable of had been one that had been an ever-present struggle in his life as long as he could remember. Rory had been caught up in his inability to manage those two things far more than he had wanted, and he wasn't looking forward to entangling her in another one of those struggles.

They may have managed to figure out how to care for a kid together in a relatively short period of time, but sustaining a relationship was something altogether different.

"I understand," Logan told Luke. "Believe me, I do."

* * *

"Rory and I had an interesting conversation this afternoon," Lorelai said that evening as she and Luke were preparing for bed.

"What about?" Luke asked as he turned out to the light in the bathroom and walked over to his side of the bed.

"_Marriage_," Lorelai said, a hint of teasing in her voice.

"Oh, that," Luke said neutrally as he crawled underneath the covers, refusing to take the bait.

"Really?" Lorelai asked as she curled up underneath the covers of her side of the bed. "That's all you're going to say?"

"I mean . . . what reaction am I supposed to have?" Luke asked.

"Where's that quasi-threatening stepfatherly concern you usually display when it comes to Rory?" Lorelai asked.

"Rory's an adult," Luke argued. This was his standard retort when it came to Rory's increasingly complicated love life.

"That's what you always – "Lorelai paused, and saw the slight grin that appeared on his face. "You know something."

"Maybe," Luke replied unemotionally.

"Rory was going on and on about how she was expecting him to propose on Valentines Day and she wasn't ready yet! Is Logan just biding his time on this?"

Luke scoffed. "I don't think so."

"Well, you obviously talked to him about _something_," Lorelai surmised.

"I don't know, Lorelai . . ." Luke replied. 'He had a lot of questions about us, about why we waited."

"You mean why you waited," Lorelai corrected him, settling next to him and curling her arms up underneath her pillow.

"I told him to talk to Rory," Luke stated. "That he should listen to her, and follow through with what she wants." He turned his head to look at Lorelai solemnly. "You don't think he just intends to hold off forever, do you?"

Lorelai reached out for his hand. "Is that what you think I did?"

"It didn't matter to me, Lorelai," Luke insisted. "I knew what you wanted. I knew you weren't ready. I just wanted to be with you. I would have waited as long as you wanted. It didn't make a difference to me. I was always going to be here."

"I know," Lorelai told him, her azure gaze meeting his in understanding. "I know."

They lapsed into content silence.

"What did you tell Rory?" Luke asked after a few moments.

Lorelai sighed. "I told her to talk to Logan about how she feels," she said. "The thing is, Luke, is that I get the impression with her that ever since the baby came along, she's looking for the least painful solution to anything that happens. I worry that she'll agree to something not because it's what she wants to do, but because it's what makes it easier for everyone else." She shook her head. "I hate to admit it, but Rory could never have done what I did."

Luke's brow furrowed "What you did – "

"Leaving home like I did," Lorelai clarified. "Raising her by myself for all of those years. I know she held off on starting a relationship with Logan once this motherhood business presented itself, but even then, that was the easiest decision for her because she didn't know how she felt about him. I don't want her to get talked into making a decision she shouldn't be making."

"She knows she can come home if things don't work out," Luke assured her. "She's lived on her own with Rick, too. Rory knows how to handle this, Lorelai. Things will turn out okay."

"I know you're right," Lorelai said. "It's just my mind gets in mom mode and goes on overdrive – "She paused to look him in the eye. "You know, this is the first time in a long time that we've had anything resembling a problem with the kids. And it isn't really a problem! My daughter isn't ready to get married and it looks like her boyfriend isn't either. This is seriously low-key drama."

"It's not – "Luke began, and then stopped himself. "We had a couple of peaceful years before your dad died. April was in college, Jess got settled back in Philadelphia, Rory seemed to be doing okay – "

"And then it got mixed around again," Lorelai pointed out. "But now we're in for a season of peace. Maybe."

She moved her head closer to his, suddenly changing the subject. "I loved the window, Luke."

Luke chortled. "I believe you spent the past couple of days expressing your gratitude," he told her, reaching out with his other hand to run his fingers through her curls. "Next year I'm expanding that bay window for you. Maybe I can put another one of those stained-glass things in there, too."

"I don't think we have room for that, with all these extra people coming in and out of this place," Lorelai remarked, her eyes dancing.

"I want you to have something of your own," Luke told her.

Her heart beat with gratitude and intensity as she moved her body closer to his.

"I do have something of my own," Lorelai replied as she leaned in to kiss him.

The snow lightly battered the windows outside as she pulled him deeper into their own private cocoon.

* * *

The next morning's expected snow showers delayed the return of most of the Gilmore-Danes progeny to their usual abodes by late afternoon. Lorelai was glad for it, despite the extra time she knew it would take for her and Luke to get home themselves. She guessed that part of it was the way that her thoughts had shifted gradually into grandmother mode, but it wasn't often that she had the opportunity to get all the kids together in the same place. Just a few short years ago, she would have been aghast at becoming that kind of person, but it didn't faze her at this point.

This was who she was now – a grandmother, a wife, a den mother of sorts to a brood of adult children, only one of which was biologically hers. She was more than satisfied with this season of her life.

Luke cooked breakfast for the entire family that morning, and after copious cups of coffee and hot chocolate were consumed, they all piled out to the backyard to compete in building snow figures. Rory and Lorelai's were styled after Lorde this year instead of Bjork, while Jess and Jessica modeled theirs after Jack White. Later on, a roaring snowball fight ensued, with Jess and Logan allowing Rick to switch teams between them. By the end of the morning, he had almost mastered the art of creating his own snowball, even though he often resorted to wildly flinging snow at whoever was around him when the adults weren't chasing him down and coaxing him into fighting for their own side.

In the middle of this melee, Rory managed to pull Lorelai aside for a confidential chat.

"I talked to Logan last night," she told her mother.

"And?" Lorelai prompted, seeing Rick almost faceplant into the snow out of the corner of her eye and taking in a sharp breath. She saw Luke rush to his side and pick him up before he started wailing, and let out a sigh of relief that Rory didn't appear to notice.

"He's not ready to get married right now, either," Rory said as she let out a deep breath. "We've agreed to put it on the back burner for a few months."

"But you both agree it's something you want eventually?" Lorelai guessed.

"I don't know about that," Rory said uncertainly. "Logan says that he doesn't, either. But we've agreed not to let what other people think we should do become the determining factor in it, either."

"I'm glad," Lorelai told her daughter. "But Rory, even if things don't work out – "

"I know, Mom," Rory said impatiently. "The thing is, Mom – I actually think I've kind of reached a nice balance right now. I don't need to change things. Even if things aren't as defined as everyone else thinks they should be – it doesn't mean that I shouldn't be happy with them."

"Are you?" Lorelai asked her.

"I am," Rory told her. "I really do believe that."

The two of them turned to look back at their family desecrating what remained of the morning's snowdrift, content within the chaos that they had created.


End file.
